WARFARE

Over the last week, I have been working hard in the front yard. Legitimate back breaking, sweat inducing labor. The kind that has made the guys in the neighborhood feel inferior. They see me out there all day long digging in the dirt and they realize they are no longer capable of making eye contact with me as they pay their gardener. Yeah- that kind of hard work. I've been uprooting old bushes, moving and replanting, putting in new shrubbery and flowers. Basically total yard beautification.
  

So you can imagine the horror when I went out the other morning and saw slugs. Upon seeing the little destroyers and then surveying the overnight damage, I raised both arms to the sky and let out a high pitch squeal "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Their slimy little trails could be found all over my freshly laid mulch and they had started to devour the petals on a few flowers.

As I stood on my front porch, I started to have a conversation with the perpetrators. "You are RUINING all my hard work. NOBODY ruins what I have built. Do you know what happens to people who mess with my stuff? Ask the ants of summer 2010. Oh you can't you say? That's because they are DEAD! I killed them when they invaded my house. And now I am going to do the same to you."

Later that day, I went off to Home Depot. A kind older fellow asked what I was looking for. My response: "I would like to engage in chemical warfare with the slugs in my yard. I want to not only eliminate them, but kill them so hard their relatives come back and apologize to me for ever coming near my foliage." He said he had just the thing. I went home and applied the gray goop to my yard. And the next morning, results. Little slug carcasses everywhere.

Sadly, as soon as one problem is solved, another arises. I noticed the weeds are starting to pop up on the side of the house. And I just saw an ant creep across the floor the other day. I think I'm going to be one of those crazy ladies who walks around her front yard cursing and shaking her fist. Either that or I'll end up bombing the entire house in an effort to destroy the invaders. I won't have a place the live...but the rubble will be insect free.